Self Doubt

Over the last couple of days, I’ve really been thinking to myself: “Perhaps this wasn’t the best time to attempt this novel you’ve been stewing over for so long. I mean it’s taken you this long to get to the current complex plot you have, what makes you think that you can fill in all the blanks in just two short weeks? Not going to happen. But you’ve set this challenge, and now you have to go through with it. Too many people are expecting some sort of a story- a result from you. You can’t pull out now. Not when you’ve built the suspense up this much”.

And well, it’s quite true. I still have a few things to sort out before this novel is ready to be written. It’s not that a lot of things are missing in the plot, it’s only a few things, but they’re extremely important if I wish to make this novel worth a read. Which, of course, I really and truly do. I’ve really been looking forward to writing this story and having people read it and enjoy the world that I’ve created, but now I’m just extremely worried that it’s only going to be a mediocre/sub-par story that seems  pulled out of nowhere. That, to me, is just simply not on.

It seems that my biggest trouble at the moment is with coming up with names. Now you might sit there and think, “Oh for goodness sakes! It’s only names! Go find a baby naming book, or search some online. No, you what, here: Magdoline, James, Oprah, Julia, Gareth. Use those and get started on that damn story!” Haha. Oh sweetness, you have no idea. The names I use for my characters are all special. I love them all. Some of them I made up without hearing before, others I’ve heard before and just adore. It’s not as simple as just pulling names out of a hat for me.

Take the royal family for example, I’m still struggling to come up with a last name for them. I want it to be something original, but I also wish it to tie into the modern world. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but something like that takes a lot of thinking on my part and it’s just not happening for me. Also, it’s a pretty important name, so I want it to be right. And then there is the antagonist. He still isn’t a solid 3-D man in my head. He doesn’t yet have a name, or a complete look. All he has is his personality, his history and his own story wound into the plot. His own Kingdom doesn’t even have a name yet. -.- Now I’d say these names are pretty important, wouldn’t you? Finally, I have also misplaced my old map and forgotten the name of one of the other realms. This means that I now have to come up with another perfect name for it, which I’m very frustrated about. As you can probably tell..

As for the rest of the story, most of the plot has come together and there are only minor details I’m currently fussing over, so that shouldn’t be too much of a worry. Hopefully. But the names? I have no idea what’s going to happen there unfortunately. I guess we shall see in a couple of weeks.

I really hope this does all come together. I would hate to let both myself and my readers down. Now that I have no more rehearsals left for the Sound of Music, I will have a lot more time of my hands and will be able to work even harder on this!

Speaking of which, OPENING NIGHT TONIGHT! Wish me, my fellow cast, crew and band luck! (:

Amber. xx

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2 thoughts on “Self Doubt

  1. If you have any talent with language (especially DEAD languages!), you can always generate names from those. It worked for Tolkien, and Rowling. Why not just find an online Greek, Latin, Gaelic, etc dictionary. Throw in a few English adjectives, and see what interesting words they translate into to?

    I did it just now. The color purple is “puniceus” in Latin. Purple = royalty. Might not work great for you novel, but its a quick example.

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